By Tabitha Bozeman
Back to school season looks a little bit different at the Bozeman house this year. Our oldest daughter is driving herself to school, and we no longer have an elementary school student. Instead, we have two in middle school and one in high school. Jason and I are ready to get back into our fall semester routines, but the first few days of a new school year are always an exciting and stressful mixture of fun, nerves, last minute purchases, and not enough sleep. For parents of children moving to new schools, new grades, and new experiences, the first week back can be full of many proud tears and hopeful plans.
One way I help get my kids ready for a solid new year in school is by helping them take inventory of what they already have and still enjoy using and wearing, as well as identifying what supplies they need. Each year seems to have its own theme, and this year we somehow ended up with everyone wanting a similar color pallet of pastels. So, we picked out pens and highlighters, binders and backpacks, Post-Its and socks in the desired colors, and had fun doling out goodies. We have packed essentials to keep in lockers, practiced combinations, met teachers, discussed drop off and pick up plans, bought snacks, and so on.
There is always an element of anxiety when a new school year begins, though, that all of the new supplies and outfits and snacks cannot completely prevent. This is a great opportunity for discussing the importance of discomfort with our kids, helping them understand that there will always be days they don’t want to get up, people they don’t want to interact with, or homework they don’t want to do. But, doing the uncomfortable, un-fun things when necessary is how they themselves up for their future, even if that future is only 9 weeks away when grades are sent out. As George MacDonald said it, “The best preparation for the future is the present well seen to, and the last duty done.” Louis Pasteur put it this way: “Fortune favors the prepared mind.” Or, as I like to tell my children and students, “Luck favors the well-prepared.” Even being well-prepared, though, cannot always keep us from having hectic mornings, or anxious nights, forgotten homework, or the occasional flat tire. It can definitely help make those moments feel less like the end of the world, though.
This hodge-podge of concrete things and experiences, how we move through these moments, and how we feel and experience life in the midst of them is a great example of the difference between the “ontic,” the “ontological,” and “lived experience.” The former refers to specific, physical things that exist (a backpack with a tricky zipper, a locker door that gets stuck, a tire with a slow leak), the middle refers to the way reality and situations are structured (a morning routine that is well-planned, for example, but maybe occasionally breaks down), and the latter is how we each actually experience what is happening (one of my kids might be completely unfazed by a hectic morning, but another could be so overwhelmed that their entire day is affected). Understanding that no matter the effort and planning put into things, there is always the chance of last minute disruptions, or unforeseen events is just part of life; being aware that those changes can feel very different to different people is just part of parenting.
This week, we have picked out outfits, made sure all the necessities are covered, made the necessary shifts to bedtime and morning alarms, and focused on the positives each new school year brings: new friends, new experiences, new learning, and new memories. What would life be like without the sometimes unexpected, occasionally uncomfortable unknown? It would be a lot calmer, but it would probably be a lot more boring, too. Here’s to a new fall and new school year, whether you are headed to class, have kids in your life who are off to school, or are just looking forward to learning something new. After all, as Lemony Snicket reminds us, “Real comfort is not what we know, but the thrill of what we are about to find out.”
