By Carrie Halladay
I can still remember the night before the first day of school. I would lie in bed unable to sleep, thinking about what the next day might bring. I was excited to see friends, curious about my new teachers and ready for a new year, but I was nervous too. Excited and anxious seemed to exist at exactly the same time.
Looking back, I realize how normal that was.
The beginning of a new school year is often portrayed as an exciting time. There are new backpacks, fresh school supplies, new teachers and the chance for a fresh start. But along with all that excitement, back-to-school season can bring a significant amount of stress for both children and parents.
For kids, the worries vary depending on age. Younger children may be anxious about separating from parents, finding their classroom or making friends. Older children and teenagers may worry about academic pressure, changing friendships, fitting in, sports, extracurricular activities or navigating the complicated social world that comes with growing up.
Parents aren’t immune to back-to-school stress either. Suddenly, mornings become more hectic, calendars fill up and homework returns to the evening routine. Parents may also worry about their child’s grades, friendships, behavior or emotional well-being. Add work and household responsibilities and it can feel like the entire family goes from laid back summer mode to full speed school mode overnight.
One of the best ways to reduce this stress is to reestablish routines. Consistent bedtimes, wake-up times and meal schedules help children know what to expect. Predictability creates a sense of security, especially during times of change. Preparing clothes, backpacks and lunches the night before can also make mornings a little less chaotic.
It’s equally important to give children opportunities to talk about what they’re experiencing. Instead of simply asking, “How was school?” try asking, “What was the best part of your day?” “Was anything hard today?” or “Who did you spend time with?” You may be surprised by how much more you learn.
When a child expresses anxiety, our instinct may be to say, “There’s nothing to worry about.” Instead, try acknowledging the feeling: “I can understand why you’re nervous about that.” Then help them think through how they might handle the situation. We don’t need to eliminate every uncomfortable emotion for our children. We need to help them learn that uncomfortable emotions are manageable.
Parents should also remember that children take cues from us. When we become overly stressed about schedules, grades or morning chaos, they notice. Modeling flexibility, healthy coping and realistic expectations can teach children just as much as anything we say.
Some nervousness at the beginning of school is normal. It may even look a little like lying awake the night before the first day, feeling excited and nervous at the same time. But persistent stomachaches, headaches, sleep problems, frequent crying, irritability, school refusal or significant behavioral changes deserve closer attention.
There will be rushed mornings, forgotten assignments and difficult days. A successful school year doesn’t require eliminating stress. Sometimes, it simply means helping our children learn that they can experience stress, work through it and be okay on the other side.
