By Carrie Halladay
Most people are aware of their feelings. They know when they feel anxious, sad, angry, discouraged or overwhelmed. What many people don’t realize is that feelings usually do not appear out of nowhere. Before a feeling develops, there is often a thought. These thoughts may happen so quickly that we barely notice them, yet they play a powerful role in shaping our emotional experience.
The way we think about a situation often influences how we feel about it. Two people can go through the exact same event and walk away with very different emotions. One person may feel defeated while another feels motivated. The difference is not always the situation itself. More often, the difference is how each person interprets what happened.
Our thoughts act like a filter through which we view the world. That filter can affect our emotions, behaviors and even our relationships. For example, imagine making a mistake at work. One person might think, “I messed this up. I can never do anything right.” That thought is likely to create feelings of frustration, shame or self-doubt. Those feelings may then lead the person to withdraw, avoid challenges or become overly critical of themselves.
Another person in the same situation might think, “That did not go the way I wanted, but I can learn from it and adjust.” The situation is identical, but the emotional outcome is very different. This person is more likely to feel hopeful, determined and capable of moving forward. The thought creates a different emotional response.
Many of our thoughts are automatic. They happen so quickly that we accept them as facts without questioning them. We may assume our first interpretation is the truth when in reality it is only one possible explanation. Over time, these automatic thoughts can become habits. Some people develop a habit of expecting the worst. Others become highly self-critical or assume negative outcomes before they happen. These thinking patterns can contribute to ongoing stress, anxiety and depression.
The goal is not to force yourself to think positively all the time. Constant positivity is unrealistic and can sometimes cause people to ignore real problems. Instead, the goal is to become more aware of your thoughts so you can evaluate them more carefully. When a difficult thought appears, it can be helpful to pause and ask a few questions. Is this thought accurate? Is it helpful? Is there another way to look at the situation? Could there be information I am missing?
By slowing down and examining our thoughts, we create space for a more balanced perspective. This does not mean every negative thought is wrong. It simply means we do not have to automatically believe everything our mind tells us.
Even small shifts in thinking can lead to noticeable changes in how we feel. Greater awareness of our thoughts gives us more control over our emotional responses and helps us approach life’s challenges with greater confidence and resilience. In the end, one of the most important things to remember is this: you do not have to believe everything you think.
Carrie Halladay is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the owner of Halladay Counseling in Gadsden. She earned her Master of Science in Counseling from Jacksonville State University in 2002.
