The Peloton Files, Part I

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By Vicki Scott

A dream of mine has always been to be a stand-up comedian. However, I do not like to hurt people’s feelings; I just want to make them laugh. Humor is medicine for the soul for both me and the audience. Some people do not understand me, and if I tried to explain, I would confuse both me and them. Let me give you an example.

As I mentioned in an earlier column, our pastor gave his wife a Peloton exercise machine. The pastor has been using it, too. They are actually renting it, and if they stop using it, the Peloton people will come pick it up. Some of the senior ladies that come to my exercise class noticed that the pastor has lost weight. All I noticed was that he and his wife were gung-ho about their new addition.

This past week, I saw the pastor’s wife during clean-up after our Wednesday night meal. I asked her how her workouts were going. It turned out that she strained her hip on one of its hills and had to stop for a while. I told her that my treadmill had simulated hills as opposed to real hills. My 20-year old treadmill features a personal trainer computer voice, but it does not talk to me. Of course, what the pastor’s wife loves about her machine is the motivation of it talking to her.

The conversation went south at that point. I informed the pastor’s wife that my treadmill does not speak to me but that my Peloton husband does. He comes into the room when I am struggling on the treadmill and asks me what I’m doing. He will tell me that I am not going fast enough and then tries to push buttons on my personal trainer. Sometimes, he will hurry in to see if I am okay, claiming he thought there was an earthquake going on. Unfortunately, I cannot turn this particular Peloton man off, even if I unplug the treadmill.

Everybody was laughing at the story but the pastor’s wife. I guess she was not ready for it. I did not plan to share the story. It just came out before my brain could stop it. It is times like these I wonder if I should go public with my comedy sessions. I would say it was my delivery, but, as I’ve mentioned, some people just do not understand me.

At any rate, stay safe, y’all!

Vicki Scott may be contacted at lily200383@yahoo.com.

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